ORNAP- in gratitude, I serve

It’s been a while.

Almost a year ago, I was elected for a position in ORNAP-NMC (Operating Room Nurses Association of the Philippines- Northern Mindanao Chapter), a professional organization for theater/ perioperative nurses. There were people from my hospital, NMMC (Northern Mindanao Medical Center) who tossed me up for that position, and I will be forever grateful for them for they believed in me and it opened doors of opportunity for me. However, there were some who doubted me as well, but I could not blame them because they have their standards.

This organization has been an outlet for me to serve without being paid. I joined medical missions. I have served my fellow nurses through offering them nursing updates and conventions aimed at escalating professional standards. In turn, this has enriched me with experience and perspective.

I can remember when I was still in my BSN, my groupmates and I were joking on how we envisioned ourselves to be after graduation, one said- I will be a Supervisor, the other said I will be the Dean, one said I will be the Chief Nurse, I stopped and think then I said I wanted to be a Board of Nursing. They all stood in silence and said- Yes you can be! To this day, it remains to be a dream I’m just placing in the backseat and waiting to materialize.

August 31, 2013, together with my fellow officer, we greeted the arrival of PRC BON Betty Merritt in the airport. She will be our keynote speaker for the convention. It was one of the rare moments to be brushing elbows with a humble celebrity in her own right. That experience was even highlighted with engaging table talk over lunch in Panagatan, Opol, Misamis Oriental.

September 1, 2013 came, and after more than 2 months of preparation, ORNAP-NMC conducted its 8^th Annual Regional Convention and Scientific Meeting. We soared high dressed in our aviator inspired uniforms- the males are the pilots while the females are the flight crew. It was the best convention by far according to some feedback. But what really made it stood out among the past conventions was an inspiration and a challenge given to the ORNAP by the PRC BON Betty Merritt to us an organization- to create our own organizational roadmap aiming at creating a nursing specialty course making it distinct from other nursing professional organizations.

September 29, 2013, with the new set of officers for 2013-2014, conducted its Strategic Planning at Chali Beach Resort. This year opens with a whole line of activities for our stakeholders. And there is more to come.

Thank You!

More than a lover, he is a friend to me- my best friend. My travel buddy. My confidante. We dreamed together, and we fulfilled them bit by bit- and closer to our destination. We shared more than 6 years of soaring ups and challenging downs, yet everything drew us closer together.

'Twas our 2nd monthsary, the celebration was just simple- we spent time in our favorite place and i gave him a talking pocket stuffed toy. We walked under the lovers' moon, and we have allowed the night to pass us by. I watched him sleep, and my heart swelled with love just feeling his peacefulness. My Love.

During the semestral break of third year, we were so worried waiting for our grades to be released. While at home, he came knocking at my doorstep wearing that big smile that I fell for, "I passed NCM202", he exclaimed. It was a perfect moment for celebration until another announcement came. There was a mistake! He came to me afternoon the following day with his tears held back. I wonder. The moment I opened the door, he hugged me tight and cried out loud. Words failed him but I knew something is wrong. He just cried in my shoulder sobbing like a baby and needing for my hug and comfort. It was only moments after when he had the strength to tell me that he is afraid of disappointing his family that he failed his major subject (NCM202).

We spent the entire day together- just a day before his Psychiatric Affiliation in Davao City. Unknowingly, the travel to Davao was moved 2 hours earlier, so he missed the chartered bus. He is almost in tears but I stood by him and maintained my composure. I accompanied him althroughout that I missed my classes on that day. I can feel his tension during the bus ride. There were little conversations, and I can sense his fear of being sanctioned or worse failing that course. We arrived in DMC just in time for the orientation. We parted ways, and I bid him good luck and wishing him to have fun in his affiliation. The moment I stepped out from DMC, fear crept inside me. My strength. Few hours ago, I was in CDO (my hometown) and now I am in entirely different city. Feeling estranged, I immediately went back to the bus terminal and found my bus back home. I travelled back home feeling alone, cold and hungry. I already lost my composure as tears fell down my cheeks- 'twas my first time travelling alone.

On my 20th birthday, he gave me a birthday card- the very first card he gave me. It made me happy.

After 4 years of hard work, I earned my BSNursing degree. Feeling so exuberant though I was not feeling well during the graduation rites, but he was there with me. My inspiration. Soon, it was his turn to graduate. I stood by him, and feeling proud for his accomplishment. I passed the Nurse Licensure Examination and now I am a Registered Nurse. He passed the NLE, too.

I was hired as a Staff Nurse in a government hospital. He was hired as a Medical Representative. We both worked hard and had our share of destressors with each others company.

My first airplane ride was with him. He gave me the window seat to have a good view of the terrains outside the airplane.

We conquered challenges together. I love him. He loves me. Though we live our separate lives now, I dont hold grudges against him. Why would I be? He gave me the best part of my life. My soulmate. Although the relationship ended, but the love continues. I still keep him in my heart. Though circumstances right now would not allow us to be together, but I am thankful that he came to my life and changed me. I emerged from the heart-break a better person- richer in experience and memory, broader in view and bigger in dreams.

I embark in a new challenge. I will fulfill the dreams that we both weaved together, alone. I will make it happen not for him but for myself. I thank him endlessly for helping me dream big.

Mikemike, THANK YOU! Somewhere I know...

Growing Up with Dawson's Creek

I would remember my mother not allowing me with my sister to watch Dawson's Creek, for various reasons- it is shown in Studio 23 on a Monday- a weekday- meaning we have to study; and there were issues that maybe I could not comprehend- maybe issues that were too old for me or for my sister, however, we still manage sneaking and watching. But there are times mama is still up and we could not sneak watch, we'll just cry (in silence) wanting and sleep craving, and maybe tomorrow our friends saw the episode and give us updates.

I grew up with Dawson, Pacey and Joey, yet its lessons dawned to me more than 10 years after.

We will meet our Dawson- the person that we grew up with and have been with us shoulder to shoulder. The load seems lighter having Dawson on our side. It seemed that we both carry each other's baggage. The comfort of home is what we perceive to be "THE LOVE", for having Dawson feels like home that we feel we really belong (Feels like home by Chantal Kreviazuk)

Then we will meet our Pacey- he gave us the feeling of excitement, fondness and newness. We see Pacey fronting us, and the view is really spectacular. The feeling seems so shiny, and we feel a "DIFFERENT LOVE". We discover new things in ourselves when we are with Pacey. We see the richer spectrum of life because we see Pacey in his fullness.

We both love Dawson and Pacey, yet maybe differently.

There are choices that we have to make, for we have to do what we have to do. Joey choose Pacey, yet she knows that Dawson is her soulmate.

We make our own life story. Dawson's Creek was theirs. The choices that we make will define our story. The story that we will tell to our grandchildren. We don't have to wait for our lives to be over to know what would it be. (I don't wanna wait by Paula Cole) We take risks with each decision. We love.

I have already met my Dawson. Pacey, have I already met you? If i did, I hope I haven't let you pass me by. 

Then I will chose.

I Decide

On one rainy afternoon a few weeks back, I cried myself out, and this is what i wrote to my friends:

Dear FRIENDS,

I’m writing to you for understanding.

You may often laugh about it, but every time I am left alone, I explore the deep recesses of my heart, and I could not help it but cry because it tears me apart- everytime. The cut is still fresh and deep, and I just don’t know why. There are many times I have brushed this off, but still it kept coming back.

You already know my story. Goodbyes that were never said nor explained are the most painful. I don’t resent him because he also loved me the best way he knows how. Maybe he was just derailed, or… I really don’t know. We had a wonderful, loving relationship but maybe this is just how our story has to end. Pretty poignant right? this time, I hope you would get my picture. Now, a simple alibi or even just goodbye(the very least) will pacify my uneasy heart.

In my dreams I long for him to tell me why. Even in my waking hours, I close my eyes and dream that all these pain is just fleeting and that somewhere under the same moon, he waits for me.

You said, “first love never dies is only for those who never found love after the first”. I found love after him. I really did. But I have only broken the heart, who never did anything wrong. But only loved a wrong person- a broken person (and I’m utterly sorry for that).

FRIENDS, I’m sorry that everytime (almost all the time) I can only talk about him. But this is just me- KENNETH… broken… I am broken. This has been quite awhile but I hope you can put up with me. You are pushing me to move on. You don’t have to, because I AM MOVING ON. It may be taking me a little longer than expected (longer than you and I expected). But rest assured, I AM MOVING ON. Just be a little patient… Please… I will be soon in that feeling place of loving again. I will be soon okay and find my way back to love.

FRIENDS, I’m just Kenneth. I found love. I lost it. But my experience told me that I have loved the fullest and it’s not easy letting go.

Thank you for understanding me.

I can go back crying now.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kenneth

 

Today, I realized- in as much as LOVE is a decision, to UNLOVE is also a decision; and this time, I take that decision.

Johnny Nash sings:

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin'for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies.

 

Thank You for reading!

 

 

I'm blogging!

Life goes on, who said it stopped?

It took almost two years to dawn to me that moving on

can be this self-enhancing. 

And being single creates identity and character.

Join me as I unfold each day's beauty of self discovery, and find my way back to love.