I Decide

On one rainy afternoon a few weeks back, I cried myself out, and this is what i wrote to my friends:

Dear FRIENDS,

I’m writing to you for understanding.

You may often laugh about it, but every time I am left alone, I explore the deep recesses of my heart, and I could not help it but cry because it tears me apart- everytime. The cut is still fresh and deep, and I just don’t know why. There are many times I have brushed this off, but still it kept coming back.

You already know my story. Goodbyes that were never said nor explained are the most painful. I don’t resent him because he also loved me the best way he knows how. Maybe he was just derailed, or… I really don’t know. We had a wonderful, loving relationship but maybe this is just how our story has to end. Pretty poignant right? this time, I hope you would get my picture. Now, a simple alibi or even just goodbye(the very least) will pacify my uneasy heart.

In my dreams I long for him to tell me why. Even in my waking hours, I close my eyes and dream that all these pain is just fleeting and that somewhere under the same moon, he waits for me.

You said, “first love never dies is only for those who never found love after the first”. I found love after him. I really did. But I have only broken the heart, who never did anything wrong. But only loved a wrong person- a broken person (and I’m utterly sorry for that).

FRIENDS, I’m sorry that everytime (almost all the time) I can only talk about him. But this is just me- KENNETH… broken… I am broken. This has been quite awhile but I hope you can put up with me. You are pushing me to move on. You don’t have to, because I AM MOVING ON. It may be taking me a little longer than expected (longer than you and I expected). But rest assured, I AM MOVING ON. Just be a little patient… Please… I will be soon in that feeling place of loving again. I will be soon okay and find my way back to love.

FRIENDS, I’m just Kenneth. I found love. I lost it. But my experience told me that I have loved the fullest and it’s not easy letting go.

Thank you for understanding me.

I can go back crying now.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kenneth

 

Today, I realized- in as much as LOVE is a decision, to UNLOVE is also a decision; and this time, I take that decision.

Johnny Nash sings:

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin'for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies.

 

Thank You for reading!