Wrapping up "February Surprise" with Cebu-Siquijor Getaway

It took me a while to write this, for I've been denying the whole ordeal that one by one my close friends are leaving. Although I'm starting to get the hang of being left behind, but this time she's a dear love-hate friend of mine- TANTAN and this parting is something raw to me.

AirAsia have seats on sale to Cebu, and 11 of us immediately signed in! And we remember our Siquijor getaway plan during the last dinner out we had at Circa 1850. So, we are officially bound for Siquijor via Cebu! Although February was a rather hectic month for most of us (especially me), we still managed to crouch this much needed breather. The destination is the "Island of Fire" (Isla del Fuego)- Siquijor. Well, the island is not entirely foreign for all of us because Nina regularly visits her relatives in the island, and much to our surprise, their family is prominent in island province where we get free passes just because we are their family's guest (and we superliked the perks).

Back at work, Everybody have already said their goodbyes to Tantan. I haven't yet, not now but soon I will, I will really have to (or maybe I don't have to just- 'til we meet again). Oh! How I hate goodbyes! I joke around the "goodbye" (I jokingly challenged everybody to make #babyeTANTANbabye trend in social media), but still its a bitter reality that we all have to say goodbye. Someone will have to do it first; if not now, soon.

There were changes to the previous booking that we had in AirAsia that we are leaving for Cebu 2 hours earlier due to operational requirements (what?!? but whatever that is I have learned a little lesson not to book future flights with Airasia). The changes means that we either lose the seat or leave early for work, and we can't lose that seat! We have to make it to that flight! With some wooing and some eye-twinkling, we managed to get our Supervisor's permission for an early out with of course the support from the entire OR (because we are banking on the story that this is Tantan's despidida, although partly but not entirely).

It's just Thursday, and flyday is a little early for us. I have imagined this day that I will be rushing to check in counters, walking long distances between terminals with heavy bags, so I decided that it's a sneaker-and-square-shorts kinda airport travel. 

But we managed to arrive in Cebu smoothly, and so this is what my shirt screams of- ADVENTURE TIME! But not yet, we still have to look for that place we intend to stay. And have I emphasized it correctly? we still have to look... good thing I'm with this comfortable walking shoes because the walking never stopped even after settling in the place for we still have to look for the famed Casa Verde of Cebu famous for its Baby Back Ribs, we walked many many blocks.

Although we were so famished (while looking and walking for Casa Verde, and some sightseeing), we were still able to have groufies taken in One Mango, and we don't look like we are! right? (just look at that I-don't-know-I-am-being-photographed pose there).

And the walking never stopped, until we found the place, Alas! Watta relief!

And what to order was an easy question, we ALL ordered the same- Baby Back Ribs. We wanted to try something new, but we can no longer think of anything else other that filling our stomach with whatever there is (that we almost forgot to take pictures with the food. So, we had this picture taken while we were eating (just that brink pause then back devouring the food again).

After the meal, everybody's excited to stroll Cebu and perhaps do some extreme adventure with Sky Experience. I hesitated joining the group. First, because I tried it before with my ex and it may bring memories back. Then second, is I am not sure if I can trust myself again to do it. Instead of doing that I can opt to save the money and buy myself new 21Men clothes (hahaha... which I will do of course before heading back to CDO). But the exuberance of my friends pushed me to join the fun. I went skywalking for the second time on the country's first Skywalk Extreme around the outer rim of the 37th floor of 40-storey high Crown Regency Hotel and Towers (the tallest hotel tower in PH) with my friends. I made new memories out of the same experience. 

And we all conquered the fear. We were all given a certificate of bravery! Thank God! 

The view above is so picturesque that everybody is busy taking selfies, striking poses and capturing sights, the place made me feel so alone in the midst of the crowd making me like a "stranger in my own life" (Sheryl Crow's Everyday is a Winding Road). The place has that romantic feel that you would want someone else's fingers between yours. I miss him but I don't want him to be that person to fill my longing now. The world has that all kinds of love. He maybe my first love, and for awhile I thought he is my only, my greatest love. But there all kinds of love in this world but never the same twice (F. Scott Fitzgerald), and I'm just too excited for the next love, for another love, maybe this time real and forever love, and I will never have to look for another kind of love again, ever!

Troubleshooting- Managed!

February 20, 2015 - I went running, catching and troubleshooting today, that while I'm on my bed now, I am reminiscing how my day has been and feeling the slight numbness on my legs and that squeezing pain on one side of my head while I try to patch and catch, mend and tend, and fix and mix. I can remember the same feeling as last year as Timehop delivered feed today.

1 year ago- I could not leave Boracay after my laidback retreat. Not now. It's already half past 6, and if I don't leave now I'm going to miss my flight back to Cagayan de Oro. Not now, just when Boracay slowly wakes up from slumber after whole night of partying. Not now, when Boracay is so immaculate, so timid, and so reviving. Not now, when I get to witness the tropical charm that the world fell in love with- 4 kilometer stetch of powdery white sand along the tentatively swaying palm and coconut trees while the blue waves peacefully taking turns in touching Boracay shore, and the people minding their own business with their choice of hot beverage as they serenely watch the beauty unfolds that is called Boracay, while the cool morning summer winds embracing them. Not now, with my hot caramel macchiato and my longing breakfast mate. Not now, but if not now... (I just have to leave this off and let it be).

I missed my flight, although I have expected it, but I'm not at all apologetic missing that flight even if I have to skip work. I'm still on a Holiday mood, and I have to pinch this feeling off a bit. I booked a 12-hour trip from Iloilo to Cebu via Cokaliong Shipping Lines. It was only on the wee hours of the night that it dawned to me that I'm travelling alone, I'm travelling on my first ship trip- alone.  Loneliness suddenly crept into me, missing him now. He said "Just because we met doesn't mean we have to change plans, you have your own and I have my own itinerary, and I don't want you to change plans for me as how I am hoping you understand me to you. We can give up anything now because everything feels so shiny at the moment but soon enough we will remorse not following the plan we previously had or end up blaming each other. Lets just have that peace that once our path crossed and will never be the same again, you help me open my heart to new possibilities and I hope I have helped you move forward." And this is what I should have replied but my mouth fail me "or remorse not following our hearts and take that risk and end up unhappy. I'd rather die in mistake than live with what-ifs."  All I know is I have learned my lesson: Life offers you endless possibilities, however, it is up you to chose and write your own lifebook. 

The ship docked in Cebu port around 8 in the morning. I rushed to get my ticket bound for Cagayan de Oro, and to my dismay the day trip that day is cancelled for some technical reason.  I fell on my knees, for I can no longer disappoint my supervisor to be absent again, and I think I'm better now that I wanted to work and immerse myself working (or maybe just a form of distraction). This left me choiceless, I have booked a flight via Cebu Pacific bound for Cagayan de Oro more than double the usual price on the same route and flight.

And this year's share was even more intense. While busy preparing for the nursing update sponsored by ORNAP, one of the speaker declined his prior commitment just 2 days before the event- that spells STRESS... major STRESS, that I haven't noticed walking quite a distance because I'm drenched in deep thoughts. But for now, we have already managed to make ends meet- THANK GOD! This maybe why my legs are calling for a rest, and that is why I need a retail therapy- I went stress shopping. That gray New Balance neutral sneakers- is just what I wanted so bad and so long now, and I finally have the reason to give myself that reward. I deserve more than I needed or wanted this.

The day finally came. The days of lack of sleep was worth the success of the update- we had 124 participants. And as a nurse, I learned to live with stress- it's both an opportunity and a priviledge.

Surprising February

It's been a while since the last time I wrote something on this page, but love month has a lot of noteworthy events and that is why I will write.

Where do I start? 

Well, this page is dedicated to my journey in finding my way back to love after I lost it. Nah! I really haven't lost it. I still have the love in my heart, and I still love him though, but differently now. I would be such a liar to say that I don't love him now... I have completely forgotten the love and everything about him... blah... blah... blah... The truth is, once we love a person we will always love that person (I don't know who said those wise words, but whoever you are, I completely agree!) and accepting this little pill of reality- that I will have to constantly deal with memories of him (unless I undergo the same procedure as Jim Carrey had in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind) was I think the first part that I can say to myself that I'm over him. Yes! I loved him (that's already given, if I haven't loved him I don't know what to call all those sleepless nights crying over him, bargaining to God for his comeback, and even forgetting my heartaches just to make it right with him), and I may still have that smile whenever I encounter sweet memories of him- and speaking of which, I woke up today hugging the stuffed toy he gave me (I don't why I'm still keeping it), but I held on for a few more minutes on that comfortable feeling of hugging a nostalgia, not minding that I still have to go on duty by 6 am. I held on to that because it feels so good, and I'm in no contadiction with myself to fight back that memory maybe because I'm not at all bitter, and why would I be bitter? I mean, I spent 7 years of my life with him. To others it maybe a waste of time to have spent that long with someone and ended up separated, but for me that was 7 wonderful years of my life with him just having him by my side- supporting, understanding and loving, and any wonderfully written life must I think have that part where you love, you will be reciprocated back, and be broken. Eventhough I'm a sucker of no-brainer, feel-good rom com movies, I have my own lifestory to write maybe a little different from those movies but it's MY story.

It's been 3 years now since... It was just a petty everyday quarrel for over a long period then. It made me tired and I have made him tired, too. We were not our usual selves when we were together. After that redundant petty misunderstanding, I thought it was just a break we both needed. However, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, I still needed that break (I went out with friends and I have posted that thru FB to let him know I'm okay because we were not at all communicating- like none at all, and partly to remind him that I am that happy and carefree person he loved before all the trials). And just before I can say that I am okay to be okay with him, BOOM! February surprised me- he is already in another relationship, and that tore me apart (and that line right there was the world's worst understatement). Well, that hanging place was more than hell (although I haven't been to the real hell and I have no plans, thank God I am saved!) but that was the worst, and I mean the worstest of the worstest (that is superlative of the superlative form eh!) experience. However, I have learned to respect pain- recognizing that it is there and just pausing and crying, not minding where, when, how; all you knew was you needed that cry (even in the jeepney, where everyone was wondering and sympathizing or even eyebrow raising). 

And this is why I have created this page to vent out my emotions and share the path that I have trodden to that day that I have found myself to love again. That day, TODAY.

But I guess I just simply "enjoyed" the path of finding my way back to love and not situating myself in love or hate context. I have simply slipped off from that part where I plan to write my journey on this page (but I have written most of them on my planner for it's private). The "moved on" part just came silently, where I just realize one day that I'm okay and I'm feeling much better now.

It was a long and tedious, sometimes dreary and most of the time lonely path to trod. You sometimes wake up on one fine morning, crying not knowing why. You sometimes realize that you're in the middle of the tunnel where both ends have a spec of light, the other end was going back to that familiar road and you are tempted to go back, but on the other end is another promise of light but not certain what.

You sometimes held on tight to that feeling- thinking that it is the best you have and it is the only best there is. You sometimes displace emotions to your friends or family because your emotional faculty is just so frail. But, you will just wake up one morning, knowing you have loved that much, and you can as much or even surpass that love the next time around.

Although I'm a sucker of fairytale ending, where the prince meets the princess (or another prince) and they will live happily ever after, where childhood and first-time lovers end up together and growing old together, but life is not like that, this is reality. I already have my past and what is important now is my NOW.

I have shared this page to a new-found blogger friend in Boracay, and he just said that this is pathetic. Although he find bloggers really interesting, I am the worst kind of interesting person in the whole world (presumming that he already met everybody in the whole world). But I say, am I really that pathetic loser? I dont know or maybe I am. #dontcare. This is how I usher myself back to living and loving. 

Well I already have a rather long hullabaloo, but where do i start? Well, February. I have always challenged him- Surprise Me! and so far, February has not failed me yet. 

Reminiscing...I will start from my Timehop feed.

One year ago, I had an entirely different Boracay trip (comparing with my previous Boracay getaway). Still, February has surprised me.

I was lost in reverie amidst the noise of partying. I went sunset daydreaming while sipping some piña colada, moon watching while dining alfresco beach front, then woke up early enough to catch the sunrise with the kicking warmth of a cup of coffee. It was what I just needed- a time off from work and a time to make new memories in Boracay, and a time to mend the broken pieces of my heart. Although not comepletely, I have opened myself to possibilities of a new love. It's not about making right choices but making the choice right. But hey! I dont have to be right, who says we are not allowed to make mistakes. I made many mistakes in the past, but look at me, rough edges smoothened, yet still smiling. And taking risks- all part of living.

I met this complete stranger (a travel blogger who I was following long enough to know his itinerary), and trusted him enough to share a room with- he ended up to be my travel buddy. He was that free-spirited person who welcomed anything in his life after the failed great love. Even after then, we continued exchanging messages and updates. 

While this year's Boracay trip was just a sidetrip to the convention (the main reason of traveling that I have to attend with coleagues in Iloilo), February surprised me again. We went partying with Boracay Pubcrawl, and it stood true to its tagline- turn strangers into friends. I met this interestingly gorgeous Brazilian guy- Rafael, and even while writing this, the mere memory of him made me smile, smile so contagious that even weeks after the encounter, the emotion was still raw. We had wonderful time partying and exploring, and maybe perhaps limited myself in knowing other people who signed up with the same party. After that epic party night, we bid each other goodbye not knowing when will our paths cross again (exciting, this is so much like in movies).

To love island- Boracay- for quite sometime I have qualms of visiting you again for memories with the past might bring me whirling back to sadness, but now I have new fond memories with friends, myself and interesting people I met.

To love month- February- surprise me some more!