February 20, 2015 - I went running, catching and troubleshooting today, that while I'm on my bed now, I am reminiscing how my day has been and feeling the slight numbness on my legs and that squeezing pain on one side of my head while I try to patch and catch, mend and tend, and fix and mix. I can remember the same feeling as last year as Timehop delivered feed today.
1 year ago- I could not leave Boracay after my laidback retreat. Not now. It's already half past 6, and if I don't leave now I'm going to miss my flight back to Cagayan de Oro. Not now, just when Boracay slowly wakes up from slumber after whole night of partying. Not now, when Boracay is so immaculate, so timid, and so reviving. Not now, when I get to witness the tropical charm that the world fell in love with- 4 kilometer stetch of powdery white sand along the tentatively swaying palm and coconut trees while the blue waves peacefully taking turns in touching Boracay shore, and the people minding their own business with their choice of hot beverage as they serenely watch the beauty unfolds that is called Boracay, while the cool morning summer winds embracing them. Not now, with my hot caramel macchiato and my longing breakfast mate. Not now, but if not now... (I just have to leave this off and let it be).
I missed my flight, although I have expected it, but I'm not at all apologetic missing that flight even if I have to skip work. I'm still on a Holiday mood, and I have to pinch this feeling off a bit. I booked a 12-hour trip from Iloilo to Cebu via Cokaliong Shipping Lines. It was only on the wee hours of the night that it dawned to me that I'm travelling alone, I'm travelling on my first ship trip- alone. Loneliness suddenly crept into me, missing him now. He said "Just because we met doesn't mean we have to change plans, you have your own and I have my own itinerary, and I don't want you to change plans for me as how I am hoping you understand me to you. We can give up anything now because everything feels so shiny at the moment but soon enough we will remorse not following the plan we previously had or end up blaming each other. Lets just have that peace that once our path crossed and will never be the same again, you help me open my heart to new possibilities and I hope I have helped you move forward." And this is what I should have replied but my mouth fail me "or remorse not following our hearts and take that risk and end up unhappy. I'd rather die in mistake than live with what-ifs." All I know is I have learned my lesson: Life offers you endless possibilities, however, it is up you to chose and write your own lifebook.
The ship docked in Cebu port around 8 in the morning. I rushed to get my ticket bound for Cagayan de Oro, and to my dismay the day trip that day is cancelled for some technical reason. I fell on my knees, for I can no longer disappoint my supervisor to be absent again, and I think I'm better now that I wanted to work and immerse myself working (or maybe just a form of distraction). This left me choiceless, I have booked a flight via Cebu Pacific bound for Cagayan de Oro more than double the usual price on the same route and flight.
And this year's share was even more intense. While busy preparing for the nursing update sponsored by ORNAP, one of the speaker declined his prior commitment just 2 days before the event- that spells STRESS... major STRESS, that I haven't noticed walking quite a distance because I'm drenched in deep thoughts. But for now, we have already managed to make ends meet- THANK GOD! This maybe why my legs are calling for a rest, and that is why I need a retail therapy- I went stress shopping. That gray New Balance neutral sneakers- is just what I wanted so bad and so long now, and I finally have the reason to give myself that reward. I deserve more than I needed or wanted this.
The day finally came. The days of lack of sleep was worth the success of the update- we had 124 participants. And as a nurse, I learned to live with stress- it's both an opportunity and a priviledge.
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